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Originally Posted by TotalBiscuit
I was reading this 'double your dating' newsletter crap. It had a few worthy points. The idea is simple. A best friend doesn't provoke attraction. Being nice doesn't provoke attraction. Being a complete tosser does. But of course that's not the way to go, so taking the good elements of that and using them to your advantage is the trick. Being confident, being very upfront, being a bit childish, teasing them, heck even outright insulting them in a funny manner. Lots of stories of it working really well (although I'm not 100% on their credibility). I tried something similar. Before I started going out with Rach I never got too cosy, too 'I'll listen to your problems, I'm your best friend' friendly.
Since it's the only time I've ever succeeded in getting myself a relationship, I suppose there's some truth to the theory.
TB.
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I think just having confidence is the main factor. Having confidence in yourself is very attractive to girls. Being a tosser to a girl might be a way to get a fling, but it wont last.
Here is the Starbum's "How To Be A Slut" pointers:
1) Make your first impression a memorable one. For example, my first impression with Liz was to call her a whore. I was playing around, of course, but my trick was to give me an excuse to be super-nice to her afterwards. If she feels you have a reason to suckup - she'll be all over it. I became the uber-gentleman and consoled her later with her problems (ie, agreeing with whatever she says) as she opened up to me. This went a long way that very night I was asked to goto dinner with her later that week.
2) Be seriously interested in them. Find out more about them and probe into what makes them giggle. Remember the fine details to bring up later in jokes. For example, Christine told me she got the nickname 'bugout' for freaking out about assignments at the last minute. I used this nickname occasionally in jokes like "You little bugout, calm down, everything will be ok". It shows them you were actually listening
3) Open the goddamn doors for them. This simple gesture goes a long way.
4) Assume you're paying the bill and be prepared to do so. If she insists that she pay for herself, insist that you pay for it. If she argues with you and says she can take care of it (ie, if she says it 3 times or more), let her pay for herself. She'll feel more independant about herself.
5) Dont rush into being physical. However, you need to gradually make being close comfortable. When you first meet her, shake her hand! This is super-important. (This applies to everyone you meet, shaking someone's hand seriously opens someone up to you in ways that still astonish me) If you can, touch her upper arm lightly and breifly. Good timing on this is crucial as you dont want to make her feel like you purpousfully wanted to touch her. Make it innocent and dont draw too much attention to it. The best timing for this varies to person to person and I usually do it to get their attention before saying something funny or asking a question. At the end of the first night, thank her for talking to you and compliment spending time with her. Give her a hug goodbye and be on your merry way. This tactic really does work and helps open someone up to you.
6) Smell nice, be clean, clean your nails, and comb your hair. If you want to pass yourself as being confident in yourself...look confident! Be neat and present yourself as someone who is comfortable with the way you look. Who knows, you might even attract other people and get a few numbers.
7) If you promise something, follow up on it. Dont be 'fashionably' late with her. My brother told me a saying that I hold true to everything I do: "If you're on time for something, you're ten minutes late". Be a little bit early, even if you have to wait 30 minutes for her to get ready. I seriously dont know what gives all women the uncanny ability to start getting ready at the last minute, it must be a power thing.
8) Dont lie. It'll come back to haunt you. Exaggerations in stories are ok because the Klingons do it.
9) Dont overdo this, but make sure you are still active with whatever you do normally. If you present yourself as being important and busy, she'll be a little jealous of your time and want more of it for herself. I do this very lightly in the beginning stages just to make her think about me. She'll wonder what I'm doing and by doing so... she'll start to feel more attracted. However, you have to be super careful with this: There is a high risk factor of her feeling ignored.
10) Notice if she's uncomfortable with something and stop whatever it is you're doing.
11) Be confident in yourself. I know its hard, but give it your best shot.
12) Laughter also goes a long way. Make sure she always has a smile on her face.
13) With all of this in mind, be yourself. Dont change who you are for a girl. If she wont like you if you're being yourself, you're just going to torture yourself.