... so what exactly are you stuck with you silly numptie?
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"We've got months to splash the lolly,"
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Slang for money - "We've got months to spend the money"
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"only don't let that gate creak too much or you'll have the narks turning-in."
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Never heard "narks" myself, so I googled it and found
This. So I presume it's saying "keep quiet or we'll have the police after us."
Barmy = Slang for mad/crazy.