{Waffles}My Teacher is an Idiot - PlanetSide Universe
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Old 2004-12-13, 11:36 AM   [Ignore Me] #1
Smaug
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{Waffles}My Teacher is an Idiot


So, in Junior Studies(Slack-off) class we had to make a survey, on any topic we wanted. Naturally, I chose the most ridiculous topic I could, without getting expelled/suspended, the Smurfs. Either by design, or accident, she gave me full points, for the most half-assed survey ever. The carnage follows:


This survey will be used to question smurf lovers. Everyone loves the hit cartoon "the Smurfs". We will be asking about your favorite and least favorite smurfs. Please answer truthfully, smurfs are very serious business.

1. Who is your favorite Smurf?

2. Why is he/she the smurfiest?

3. Do you think Smurfs have computers? Yes/No(circle one)

4. If you answered yes to #3, what clock speed do you think they've reached on their processors in Smurfville?

5. What is your interpretation of the phrase "You totally got smurfed"?

6. Why don't Smurfs wear shirts?

7. Does Smurf Nation have a flag?

8. If so, what does it look like?

9. Why does Papa Smurf have red pants? Does he think he is better than the other smurfs or something?

10. Has Gargamel ever even tasted a smurf?

11. If not, then why does he keep trying to catch one? They are probably all muscle. Those little things can run.

12. Should the Smurfs upgrade their housing to new state-of-the-art concrete and steel construction, or keep their cute and cozy mushroom houses?

13. Did Papa Smurf ever have a wife? Perhaps she died in childbirth. There sure are a lot of Smurfs, right?

14. Do Smurfs live on Earth?

15. If so, in what country?

16. When Gargamel finally catches a Smurf, will he boil it in a stew, bake it, or deep fry it?

17. You've never watched the Smurfs, have you?

18. Why don't the Smurfs have any great philosophers, scientists, or mathematicians?

19. I mean, kids can't look up to Papa Smurf or anything, he's an old blue guy that looks like Santa Claus. Why aren't there any role model Smurfs?

20. Who would let their kids watch this crap? It is a story of misery and defeat. Come on, if your childrens cartoon features a miniature, blue civilization being constantly invaded by a cat named Azrael, you have a sick, twisted mind. Plus, do you remember the episode when the Smurf dam breaks and washes Smurfville away? PURE EVIL!
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Old 2004-12-13, 11:41 AM   [Ignore Me] #2
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That's actually totally awesome
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Old 2004-12-13, 12:33 PM   [Ignore Me] #3
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WTF!?
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[Hezzy]: "balallaalalla! blow the heathens up with a large nuclear device"
[Hezzy]: "BOOM"
[Hezzy]: gg
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Old 2004-12-13, 12:33 PM   [Ignore Me] #4
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You win.
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Old 2004-12-13, 12:34 PM   [Ignore Me] #5
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Yeah, you win.
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The gun katas. Through analysis of thousands of recorded gunfights, the Cleric has determined that the geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically predictable element. The gun kata treats the gun as a total weapon, each fluid position representing a maximum kill zone, inflicting maximum damage on the maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear of the statistically traditional trajectories of return fire. By the rote mastery of this art, your firing efficiency will rise by no less than 120%. The difference of a 63% increase to lethal proficiency makes the master of the gun katas an adversary not to be taken lightly.
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Old 2004-12-13, 02:00 PM   [Ignore Me] #6
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He wouldnt eat them. He want to turn them into gold. Fool. I think.
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Old 2004-12-13, 02:08 PM   [Ignore Me] #7
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Smaug makes the best survey ever

But fuck you, Grandpa smurf owns
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Old 2004-12-13, 02:25 PM   [Ignore Me] #8
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+199 points
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Old 2004-12-13, 02:31 PM   [Ignore Me] #9
Red October
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Methinks you got the full credit because you gave the teacher a very good laugh. Wouldn't doubt they save it and use it in thier class sometime down the road.
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Old 2004-12-13, 03:24 PM   [Ignore Me] #10
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1. Brainy Smurf. Besides Pap smurf, that's the only one I can think of right now.

2. He's blue, he's small, he hasn't been eaten. What more does he need?

3. These days, everyone has electronics... even those Oompa-Loompas forced to work for nearly nothing by that evil Willy Wonka have cell phones these days.

4. 1.5 gig, at most. Those PC's would have to be small, and would have to cut back a little to reach tha size. Come to think think of it, they'd probably use Apples instead. They're from France, right?

5. "Your balls are blue!"

6. It's France, they are doing it because all their shirts probably got stained with fancy coffee or something.

7. Yes.

8. It's blue, duh!

9. Papa Smurf is a veteran French Zouave, and always wears his old red Zouave Pants, because his other ones were captured and burned by the Germans.

10. Signs point to no.

11. Answer hazy, ask again later.

12. Upgrade it, the French these days usually go take Mushrooms and sell them. The whole Smurf Village could be destroyed by some Frenchman with poor eyesight.

13. Yeah, he had a wife. Otherwise, how would be be Papa Smurf?

14. Yes. I already said that.

15. Stinking Socialist Commie Pinko Bastard European Tree-Hugging Red France.

16. Boil it. Gargamel sucks at cooking, boiling is the easiest of the choices.

17. Sadly, I have.

18. They have Brainy, don't they? Doesn't that count?

19. Of course they don't have any good role models! They live in France, after all!

20. My parents would let me watch it. It's evil, yes, but still fun.
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