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Old 2004-04-13, 09:47 PM   [Ignore Me] #1
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New Internet Worm Attack Imminent - Use Windows Update


The IT pros at my dad's workplace are telling everyone to run windows update tonight at home, lest we fall prey to the next internet worm, which is suspected to hit before this weekend:

If you have a Windows machine, you should bring up Internet Explorer, click on "Tools" and "Windows Update" and go through the process of applying all "Critical Updates". Tell the system you want to reboot and then repeat the process until there are no more critical updates.


This is VERY IMPORTANT. The next Internet worm is expected in a matter of days ... if not before the weekend at the latest. You must have a patched system BEFORE it is released.


Just a friendly heads-up for all my PSU nieghbours. It will be worth your time, being the victim of one of these worms can spell the end of your computer as you know it. Take the 5 minutes to update. BIZATCHES!!!!!!
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Old 2004-04-13, 09:51 PM   [Ignore Me] #2
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I'm assuming this is a joke, considering you added in the "BIZATCHES!!!!!!!" at the end. Never the less, it has been a while since I did any critical updates. Thanks for reminding me.
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Old 2004-04-13, 09:51 PM   [Ignore Me] #3
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I use Netscape. I am teh protectid.

But I'll do it anyway.
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Old 2004-04-13, 09:52 PM   [Ignore Me] #4
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Originally Posted by Octavian
I'm assuming this is a joke, considering you added in the "BIZATCHES!!!!!!!" at the end. Never the less, it has been a while since I did any critical updates. Thanks for reminding me.
If it's a joke, it's a sucky one. Everyone can use an update.
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The gun katas. Through analysis of thousands of recorded gunfights, the Cleric has determined that the geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically predictable element. The gun kata treats the gun as a total weapon, each fluid position representing a maximum kill zone, inflicting maximum damage on the maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear of the statistically traditional trajectories of return fire. By the rote mastery of this art, your firing efficiency will rise by no less than 120%. The difference of a 63% increase to lethal proficiency makes the master of the gun katas an adversary not to be taken lightly.
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Old 2004-04-13, 09:53 PM   [Ignore Me] #5
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No joke. Im serious.
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Old 2004-04-13, 09:55 PM   [Ignore Me] #6
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Originally Posted by Octavian
Never the less, it has been a while since I did any critical updates. Thanks for reminding me.
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Old 2004-04-13, 09:56 PM   [Ignore Me] #7
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What is the point of the "BIZATCHES!!!!!!!" at the ending then?

EDIT - Wow so many people quoting me, I feel special.
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Old 2004-04-13, 10:02 PM   [Ignore Me] #8
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The only reason people get these fucking viruses is the fact that they're stupid enough to open dodgy email attatchments in the first place!

And how the fuck would a windows update help if they don't know what the "next batch of worms" even does for fucks sake?! It's still the same core operating system!

*sigh* Yup, I am turning bitter.
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Old 2004-04-13, 10:05 PM   [Ignore Me] #9
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Omg We Are All Going To Die!!!!!
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Old 2004-04-13, 10:10 PM   [Ignore Me] #10
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Fine... seeing as I've recieved nothing but smart ass replies because I chose to give you guys a heads up on a virus i'll let it infect your computers. Then you'll come onto the boards and be like " OH NOES!!!!!111!!1 HAXZOR!!!!!!1111!342$6%27678!" and then i'll come to your house and take a huge shit on your computer and say something like " Perhaps if you updated your windows program this would never of happened"... and then i'll bitch slap you.
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Old 2004-04-13, 10:13 PM   [Ignore Me] #11
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I don't have a computer.
I just yell binary through the phone real loud.
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Old 2004-04-13, 10:13 PM   [Ignore Me] #12
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I would love to see that.
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Old 2004-04-13, 10:17 PM   [Ignore Me] #13
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don't use IE and my patches are DLed automaticaly scence i have the bandwidth, even if i needed them
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Old 2004-04-13, 10:18 PM   [Ignore Me] #14
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Old 2004-04-13, 10:19 PM   [Ignore Me] #15
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Originally Posted by I Hate Pants
Fine... seeing as I've recieved nothing but smart ass replies because I chose to give you guys a heads up on a virus i'll let it infect your computers. Then you'll come onto the boards and be like " OH NOES!!!!!111!!1 HAXZOR!!!!!!1111!342$6%27678!" and then i'll come to your house and take a huge shit on your computer and say something like " Perhaps if you updated your windows program this would never of happened"... and then i'll bitch slap you.
Again, explain to me how updating windows will help, when -

A) They Don't know what these viruses even do yet
B) It's still the basic core components, so a virus will still screw it up.

This isn't a smartarse reply, it's based on common sense.

As it is, this must be a stir up, because windowsupdate.com is down.
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