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Old 2004-03-03, 01:44 AM   [Ignore Me] #1
d3ath4u
First Sergeant
 
Lasher CSI


Welcome to the first of many (hopefully) tales of LCSI. By LCSI of course, I mean the Lasher Crime Scene Investigation. The LCSI is a small, skilled group formed by the United States government composed of scientists and investigators whose purpose is exterminate all Lasher Crimes. For your entertainment purposes, I present to you, LCSI part I.

-------------------------------------

LCSI is brought to you by:

Lash-er-oni, the San-Fran-sis-co treat!

And

The USAL-United States Army of Lashers: An Army of Spam. Visit GoSpam.com for details.

--------------------------------------

Kent was angry. No, Kent was furious. It was the third time Johnson, his soon-to-be partner, failed the LCSI entrance exam. And for the third time, Johnson fail course 3 of 5:
Physical Properties of a Lasher. The course required the trainee to completely disassemble a loaded lasher. The catch required the trainee to take it apart in just 25 seconds. It took Johnson however, 55 seconds- and he didnt even take apart the lasher, but the fold-up chair next to him. This may seem odd to a first time observer, but this event was merely a taste of Johnsons stupidity.

Damn it Johnson! Kent swore. Is it that difficult? A lasher is only built with 6 pieces! And why, why did you go for the chair?
S-sorry sir! I was confused by their similar appearance, s-sir! stumbled Johnson. Kent however, couldnt find what a purple-green weapon and an old, rusty gray chair had in common.
Kent sighed, Well, get to work stocking equipment, and I want a 25-page report on lasher characteristics of a crime
S-sir yes s-s-sir!

Kent walked out of the Training department and headed for his desk. It had been a piss-poor Monday morning, and he couldnt see how it was going to get any better. It had been two weeks since he had seen any action. He wasnt born to sit at a desk and fax off notices, and talk on the phone with some vice secretary of another-boring-department. Kents morning however, was about to change.


Sergeant! yelled Dominic. Dominic was captain of the LCSI. As a 67 year old man, he had outlived his taste for adventure. He was however, an excellent agent, with skill and experience. And Kent admired that.
Whats up captn! hollered Kent.
We got us a crime Kent. We need you to head up there and find out what happened. Im on the phone with the FBI. Theyll brief you when you get there. said Dominic. Oh and take your partner with you-
you mean-but Kent stuttered.
-yes, bring along Johnson. Its about time he gets some hands-on experience. said Dominic.
Yes sir., replied Kent. Kent had no problem obeying Dominic. Kent trusted him. If he says hes ready, than hes ready thought Kent.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Commercial:

Tired of waking up to that constant nagging? Those annoying kids? That whiney wife? Those giddy co-workers? Wish you could just make all the stress disappear?

Then its time I tell you about a little secret. Its called, Lashermucil. One spoon-full a day, will take that stress away!

Lashermucil works with your body and allows your body to produce orbolites- small orbs of energy that are sent to your brain and give you the ability to shoot balls of energy out of your eyes! These unique orbs cause physical damage to their intended target, and if you miss, the orb will lash energy at its closest target, even through walls.

However, Lashermucil is not right for everyone. Do not take if you are currently taking anti-depressants, eye medicine, or have serious heart problems. Some small side affects, although rare, include death to unintended victim, epileptic seizures, and third degree burns.

Ask your doctor if Lashermucil is right for you, Im glad I did.

Lashermucil-helping you stay regular

----------------------------------------------------------------
As Kent and Johnson walked through the door, they were greeted with the smell of burnt flesh. (Ew, Kent, whats that smell?) The small apartment was full of men in black and grey suits, and other men wearing bright orange lab suits. The police would not be notified until the scene was secure of any lasher evidence.

Good morning. You must be Sergeant Kent, am I correct? asked a man in a black suit. Ah, and you must be Johnson, yes of course. added the man.

You are correct. And may I ask who you are? replied Kent.

Im special agent Saunders with the FBI. We knew as soon as we arrived that this needed to be dealt with by your group. said Saunders.

So, what have we got? said Kent absent-mindedly. Kent already had an idea, but it was a habit to ask.

It looks to be a double homicide. Theres what we believe is the husband over there, Saunders pointed to the foot of the bed, and theres the wife said Saunders, pointing down the hall. The husband received multiple orbs, and the wife received a couple lashes from all the way down the hall. said Saunders.

It was not a pretty sight. Body parts all over the room. The entire room was painted with a fresh coat of blood. Just then, Johnson came back and showed Kent something he had found.
Sergeant, I found this finger, Johnson held it up to Kents face with beady eyes and an expression like that of a child showing his mother a bug he had caught. Its all bloody and stuff. Ew- it still feels kind of warm. I think its a clue! said Johnson eagerly.

Yes Johnson. Thats what it is, now go put it back where you found it., replied Kent. He sighed deeply.

What lies in store for our characters? Will the crime be solved? Will Johnson pass the exam? Stay tuned
--------------------------------------------------------------
This episode of LCSI has been brought to by:

Lasher Wireless- Can you spam me now? Goood.

And

In the Lasher National Guard- YOU SPAM!

Well, do you like LCSI (and the commercials of course)?

Oh and if you did like it, check out my "History of the World" thread, if you havent seen it yet:
http://planetside-universe.com/forum...ad.php?t=19740
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Old 2004-03-03, 01:59 AM   [Ignore Me] #2
Diddy Mao
Second Lieutenant
 
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-_-
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You last visited: 03-18-2005 at 01:50 PM - lol time flies
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Old 2004-03-03, 02:02 AM   [Ignore Me] #3
d3ath4u
First Sergeant
 


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Old 2004-03-03, 02:15 AM   [Ignore Me] #4
GreyFlcn
Sergeant Major
 


Whatever happened to Dr Moopface?
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Old 2004-03-03, 02:19 AM   [Ignore Me] #5
d3ath4u
First Sergeant
 


Oh well.
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Old 2004-03-03, 02:23 AM   [Ignore Me] #6
Seer
Major
 


Belongs in fanfiction. I was amused by the concept of 'orbolites'
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Old 2004-03-03, 02:34 AM   [Ignore Me] #7
d3ath4u
First Sergeant
 


Sorry. I'll remember that next time.
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Old 2004-03-03, 09:23 AM   [Ignore Me] #8
Strygun
Contributor
Major General
 
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I suppose that this is fan fiction. I'll move it over there.
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Old 2004-03-04, 07:32 AM   [Ignore Me] #9
ORANGE
First Lieutenant
 


this gets the sarcasm award of the year
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