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2003-06-17, 11:11 PM
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[Ignore Me] #17 | ||
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First Sergeant
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An NC, TR and VS are sentenced to death for desertion and all end up in the same cell.
The time comes for execution and they are all brought together infront of the tribunal. "Since you all had served your countries well before the horrible act, we will give you guys a choice on how to die." Said the tribunal "You may choose between hanging, electric chair and the firing squad. So the NC is decided to go first He thinks about it and decides to go for hanging. They string him up, count to 3 and let him drop. He struggles for about a minute until finally the neck snaps. not a pretty sight. So they then turn to the TR. "Well lets go for the electric chair" he says They strap him up and pull the leaver BZZTTT they deactivate the electric chair and low and behold he is still alive! the tribunal says " well this is odd, ok lets try again, bigger setting" They turn up the voltage and pull the leaver again BBBZZZZZTTTT turn it off, Hes still alive!! The tribunal then says " well this is very weird... listen we have a policy if we cant kill you 3 times you get to live" So they set the electric chair to max setting pull the leaver BBBBZZZZZTTTTT *sparks everywhere BBBZZZZTTTT *lights dim BBBZZZTTTT they turn it off, and low and behold hes still alive. So they let him go.... On his way out he passes the Vanu soldier "Psst the electric chair, it aint working, the electric chair, it, aint, working!! " So the tribunal turns to the VS soldier "How would you like to die?" The VS soldier ponders for a second "well, the hanging is too gruesome, the electric chair inst working, you might as well shoot me!"
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Never mess with a Gal pilot on PMS New Sig! did you make it on the sig?  The second one he was in his skeeter 
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2003-06-18, 08:47 AM
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[Ignore Me] #21 | ||
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Staff Sergeant
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[These stories are written by GamerGuru and I recommend anyone to take a peek at his posts. Very fun and talented writer.]
It was a sunny day on the Vanu Sanctuary, and Dr. Moopface was spending it outside, putting the final touches on the Vanu's newest armored assault vehicle, the formidable Magrider. Steve was with him, poking at various obligatory machine parts with some sort of mysterious alien tool. "Make sure you co-alabrate the drive-shift nanite stabalizers, Steve," said Dr. Moopface. "Sure thing, Doc," said Steve, ignoring him as he continued to pretend to work. Dr. Limmy approached them then, holding a glass of lemonade in his hand. "Good morning, Dr. Moopface. Working on such a beautiful day?" "Dr. Limmy, if our brave and noble soldiers can fight to the death on a day like today, I feel it is my duty to at least spend some of it aiding their valiant struggle." "Mm-hmm," said Dr. Limmy, taking a sip of the lemonade. Um, that is, the TECHNO-LEMONADE, which has been infused with ancient Vanu technology, making it a bit tangier than the other empire's barbarian lemonade. "I was just putting the final touches on it," said Dr. Moopface, tapping the purple side of the tank, making a hollow clang noise. "I was wondering what you thought. Your imput is always useful." "And," said Dr. Limmy, "since you employ your devices anyway, I can only assume my advice is purely a novelty." "Dr. Limmy, you shock me. Come, have a look at it. Tell me I have not created the pinnacle of deathmachines." Dr. Limmy walked around the side of the tank, to the back, and looked under it. Dr. Limmy nodded to Steve and at the impressive hovering ability, because if its one thing the Vanu love, its stuff that floats. "I see you gave it hover jets," said Dr. Limmy, making conversation. "Yes, I figured it would add a certain something to it. The ability to strafe, cross water..." "Look amazingly cool..." Dr. Moopface chuckled. "Yes, that too." As Limmy rounded the front to have a look at the advance gun, his head collided with something very hard and very metal. Bong! "Ow! What the-" "Ooh, watch it, Dr. Limmy," warned Dr. Moopface, coming around to the front, taking a few steps to avoid something that didn't seem to be there. "You ran right into the plow." Rubbing his head, Dr. Limmy looked blearily at Dr. Moopface. Why was there always SOMETHING? "Plow, Dr. Moopface?" "Well, yes. I thought it would make a good edition to the tank." "Dr. Moopface, thats not like you. How... devious." Nodding proudly, Dr. Moopface ran his hand over the invisible plow. He clicked something, and the plow shimmered into view. It was a sinister thing, covered with various spikes and sharp edges, and the spikes were oozing a strange liquid material. "Yes, I thought it would be very handy on Esmair and Cyssor. You know, with all that snow." Dr. Limmy hesitated, his smile wavering. "Snow?" "Well, sure. What else would you use the plow for?" "But... why'd you make it invisible?" Dr. Moopface folded his arms over his chest. "Why, so the pilot could see." "And... the spikes?" "For trees or other soft debris in the way. Don't want the hover jets getting damaged by fallen lumber." Dr. Limmy stared at him like he was mad. "But... but... whats this stuff coming out of the spikes?" "Oh, that? Snake venom mixed with corrosive acid." In the small silence that followed, Steve's tinkering and a bird singing could be heard. "Acid. And snake venom." "Yup. Mixed, of course." Dr. Limmy threw up his hands. "Ok, I can't wait. Why those?" "Well, we had quite a bit of it in boxes and we weren't using it so I figured, hey, I bet this stuff will melt snow and burn through the lumber quick, why not?" Dr. Limmy looked at the plow, then back to Dr. Moopface, then back to the plow. It looked like someone took a plow, grabbed a saw, and then put the saw back down and took the plow into the very bowels of Hell, wher Lucifer worked night and day to create the ultimate destroyer of man. In a bad mood. "Snow." "Oh, absolutely. Snow can really slow these things dow-" "Dr. Moopface, doesn't it occur to you that the drivers will use the plow to just run people over?" Dr. Moopface laughed. "Yeah, right. 'Run them over'. you're a real class act, Dr. Limmy." "Dr. Moopface, you gave it spikes with acid and venom and made it invisible! On the fastest tank in the world! And you think they're going to believe for a second that its for SNOW?" "Well, of course. What driver in his right mind would use it for anything else? You've got some odd thoughts in your head, Dr. Limmy." "Dr. Moopface, you are an abso-" Dr. Limmy trailed off, glanced at the plow, and then back to the doctor. "...solutely correct person. You're right. What was I thinking? No driver would just run people over. you're right. I'm going to... um... go... over there and... do... that thing... I said I was going to do... which is not at all related with what we're talking about. At all." "Ok. Have fun, Dr. Limmy." "Yeah. Fun. Yeah." Many hours later, in the Hart shuttle building, a few Vanu soldiers were huddles around the bullitine board. On it was a sheet of paper that read: "NEW TANK UNVEILED! The Vanu sovereignty has a new weapon in our struggle for technological superiority. Please attend the seminar regarding the Magrider and its effect on your fighting. Also, be sure to attend Dr. Limmy's seminar, 'The Ramrider: Why guns are for sissies' directly afterwards." |
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